Compartmentalizing

I am so terrified of all these emotions I feel inside but am keeping in a "box".  It is so scary for me physically.  I don't want to aggravate my lungs and the kind of release I feel coming will do that.  I don't know what to do.  I feel like this compartmentalizing is dangerous and it's starting to impact my mood.  Mike & the girls laugh a lot and I just can't join in....I feel indifferent to so much.  And I'm afraid......I miss my dad..hate doing all these things without him.....NEED him with me.  And he's not here.  Afraid these lungs are going to kill me too young...especially after yet another hospitalization.  Just afraid...

Gonna see pill doc today...see what she has to say...need therapy next week...