Christmas

Christmas is so rough this year but to see my brave face you wouldn't know it.  I've done all the decorating at my house and my mom's, made plans for a potluck dessert at my house, done all the shopping and wrapping, DVR'd movies for the kids and watched with them, and on and on and on....but I've done it all with a heavy heart.  I miss my dad.  I miss him so much.  Tonight having the carolers sing to us TWICE brought it all to a head for me....that and seeing the wreathes they put on the graves of the soldiers at my dad's cemetery.  Breathtakingly, heartbreakingly, beautiful.  Watching my mom cry for an hour here, silently, because it was a bad day and helpless to heal her pain.  Struggling watching my brother hate everything to do with this holiday and holiday season.  All the while fighting a sinus infection that has hit my lungs to stay out of the hospital but if I can't, making sure absolutely everything is done so my girls will have everything their hearts desire (well certainly not everything...no American Girl Dolls this year or cell phones, etc).  And trying but failing in not being a burden on my mom and Mike and friends b/c I can't do more than nap....it is so hard.  And I'm tired......