Diabetes

So what a rough week...diagnosed w/ diabetes officially on Tuesday which while I was "expecting" it, it makes a difference b/c I'm just sicker than I was 6 months ago.  And I have yet another "system" that doesn't work.  So I saw the doc & they put me on metformin which made me violently ill so taken off that and given victoza which worked much better yesterday.  BUT, I'm an emotional wreck.....I hate this body...I hate that even though I know it is "trying", that there is nothing I can do but keep fighting.  I hate steroids.  They are saving and killing me at the same time. 

I felt better after therapy yesterday and we talked about how important it was for me to "touch" my pain and see it and feel it and move through it.  Do not deny it or say "no really, it's okay".  B/c it's not.  Ever.  I have days but my overall life is not okay.....I worry about Mike & my mom b/c I know what it's like to be a mom to Katie w/ her issues and how frustrating and helpless it feels. 

I do my "grounding" all day to keep me sane and avoid the panic attacks I feel sometimes when things get to be too much.  Writing, reading, blogging, fb....all these work to keep me sane.  I pray it will get easier...just not sure when or how...

OMG I am losing it

I'm losing it.....called for an emergency therapy session and hope she can see me.....I can't handle this anymore.  My whole body is breaking down and I am terrified and am alone today and don't know how to handle this anxiety attack.   I'm having trouble breathing and want to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can't stop crying.  I am afraid.  How long can I really truly live with my heart and lungs not working right????  I don't want to die!!!!!  I want to live!!  Dear lord please help me...please show me the way to make it through this.  Please heal my tired body.  PLEASE