So Dec 20th is just a bad day for me....got hospitalized same day last year and it sucks. I was at least afraid/prepared this year but it does not make it any easier to be stuck in the hospital the week before Christmas AGAIN. It's not right and it's not fair that I am hurting all those I love so very much. My poor husband is so stressed.....my kids miss me and my mom and brother are so worried and we are all still trying to figure out how to make it through these holidays without my dad for the first time. It SUCKS!!! I want to scream, but that would probably only give make my lungs spasm so what good would that do??? I know this is life and I know I have to find a way to muddle through it and make it the best life I can but can I please get just a small break??? Please?
I haven't allowed the "why me's" ever.....why not?? Our bodies get sick...they are supposed to but it shouldn't be this hard all the time. I focus, I really do, on the good days/ moments I have to get me through these hellish ones but I'm tired....physically and emotionally from the struggle. I want my family to have a healthy Michelle so I can be who and what I wanted my role to be...not this. Not this tired body I still don't recognize every time I look in the mirror.
Okay Santa....Please make 2012 a better year...please? Lord...hear my prayer.
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