This weekend two years ago is when I contracted the H1N1 virus and my asthma became severe and I became disabled. This one is hard b/c it involves Katie's annual Holiday Dance Show. I love watching her onstage dancing and it makes her so happy...I am just so nervous and kind of angry that I can't enjoy it w/out that nagging "what am I gonna catch this year" feeling.....I'm gonna be masked up and gloved up and I'm no longer a room mom which I also miss tremendously.
The other issue that makes me so nervous is how much worse I am every year....If I compare last xmas to this xmas my health has taken a major decline. It sucks. My mother keeps telling me I make her nervous b/c I don't have a "positive" attitude and she's right but it's not Always negative, sometimes it's reality which I face much better than she does. She often lives on the River Denial in Egypt. I have limits....much more than I had a year ago and certainly WAY more than 2 years ago. I do have hope that in 6 months I'll see some improvement from the thermoplasty I put myself through but it is only 75% effective and I knew that going in. And I'm their most severe patient. I'm also nervous about the pulmo rehab I'll be starting in January but hopeful at the same time that it will help me taper lower on the steroids if I can rebuild some of these muscles in my body and in my lung capacity. Some of my severe asthmatic friends have been through it and it's helped some but not all and not completely..
So I sit here and hope and despair, depending on the time of day....losing my dad this year certainly hasn't helped either as I miss him every minute...
No comments:
Post a Comment